ഹോട്ടല്‍ കേരള-ഫോണിയ

Lyrics

On the road to Trivandrum,
Coconut oil in my hair

Warm smell of avial,
Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance,
I saw a bright pink tube-light

My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin,
I had to stop for a bite

There he stood in the doorway,
Flicked his mundu in style

And I was thinking to myself,
I don’t like the look of his sinister smile

Then he lit up a petromax,
Muttering “No power today”

More Mallus down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia,
Such a lousy place,

Such a lousy place (background),
Such a sad disgrace,

Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia,
Any time of year

Any time of year (background),
It’s infested here

It’s infested here

His finger’s stuck up his nostril,
He’s got a big, thick mustache

He makes an ugly, ugly noise,
But that’s just his laugh

Buxom girls clad in pavada,
Eating banana chips

Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips

I said to the manager,
My room’s full of mice

He said,
Don’t worry, saar,I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice

And still those voices were crying from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night

Just to hear them pray

Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia,
Such a lousy place,

Such a lousy place (background),
Such a sad disgrace

Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia,
It is no surprise

It is no surprise (background),
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring,
Stale sambar on rice

And he said,
We are all just actors here

In Silk Smitha-disguise,
And in the dining chamber

We gathered for the feast,
We stab it with our steely knives

But we just can’t cut that beef,
Last thing I remember

I was writhing on the floor,
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,

I am sure,
Relax, said the watchman

This enema will make you well,
And his friends laughed as they held me down

God’s Own Country? Oh, Hell!